April/May referrals are on their way to agencies around the world. The cut-off date has been reported as November 1, 2005. Woo HOO! After the 2-day batch last time, this batch of 6 days feels like an extravagant gift.
I absolutely CAN NOT believe we're finally into November. Our month!
Can you believe it? I can't believe it.
Omigoodness, I think I need to sit down...
Monday, April 30, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Moving Forward
Maybe (maybe) I've pouted enough. That's not to say I'm not deeply disappointed in what's happened with the recent referrals and what's likely to be very slow going in the months ahead but I might be almost done wallowing in the disappointment (for now). There's nothing to be done about it. Nothing we can do, nothing anyone can do so what's the point in sulking. My silent protest falls on deaf ears. They can do what ever they want and are well within their rights to do that. It's their process, not mine. It is regulated by the government, conforms to the Hague Convention and is, by and large, above board. (I only say "by and large" because as we all know, in any system there are bound to be bumps now and then.)
Major international adoption programs around the world are struggling to get this thing right. Russia just closed to the U.S. a few days ago, until further notice. The U.S. State Department is currently not recommending adoption from Guatemala. Vietnam is not accepting applications right now. China has tripled it's waiting time for families in the past year and that wait is expected to continue to lengthen. In addition to this, families just placing their applications will have to meet additional requirements relating to weight/BMI, income, antidepressant usage, length of marriage, background issues, and so on. Many countries' programs are temporarily closed as they rework their process to adhere to Hague Convention requirements. There is a bright spot, however. Ethiopia became the largest program for our agency in 2006. Read the article from Sunday's paper here.
The issue I keep coming back to: this is not a consumer transaction. While it is supply and demand, we're talking about children and families here, not widgets. While I sit here and pound my fists in frustration, there is a family in China making one of, if not the most difficult decision of their lives. The decision, which is often times not really a decision so much as a mandate, (see Lost Daughters of China) that they can not parent this child. They love this baby but there's just no way, either economically or politically, that they can raise this child. The only way to avoid penalty is to anonymously place the child somewhere safe where they know a passer-by will quickly find her. A birth family and a baby, all having to live through such a thing. While I sit here and what? Sulk?
It's not that I don't think I get to be frustrated and anxious. When Stewart and I made up our minds to build our family through adoption, it was taking about 6 months from LID. So while we knew adoption can be unpredictable, we had an expectation going in. Had we known it would take this long, we may well have chosen to place our application with a different country. But we didn't know and so here we are with our expectations handed to us and told to wait with very little information. There's no customer service rep to complain to, no manager to speak to. We can not apply our western way of reasoning to this situation. We are at their mercy for lack of a better word. But here's the thing - it's not about us, it's about her.
We have not thought about "switching" countries, as some have asked. We wouldn't even if we could. We are committed, invested. We love our daughter and can't wait to bring her home with us even though we don't know who she is. That may sound bizarre to all the bio-parents in the crowd but it's the complete truth. We have made room for her in our lives. We have dreamed of her face and her giggle. There's no way we're going to turn back now. And so we wait.
Major international adoption programs around the world are struggling to get this thing right. Russia just closed to the U.S. a few days ago, until further notice. The U.S. State Department is currently not recommending adoption from Guatemala. Vietnam is not accepting applications right now. China has tripled it's waiting time for families in the past year and that wait is expected to continue to lengthen. In addition to this, families just placing their applications will have to meet additional requirements relating to weight/BMI, income, antidepressant usage, length of marriage, background issues, and so on. Many countries' programs are temporarily closed as they rework their process to adhere to Hague Convention requirements. There is a bright spot, however. Ethiopia became the largest program for our agency in 2006. Read the article from Sunday's paper here.
The issue I keep coming back to: this is not a consumer transaction. While it is supply and demand, we're talking about children and families here, not widgets. While I sit here and pound my fists in frustration, there is a family in China making one of, if not the most difficult decision of their lives. The decision, which is often times not really a decision so much as a mandate, (see Lost Daughters of China) that they can not parent this child. They love this baby but there's just no way, either economically or politically, that they can raise this child. The only way to avoid penalty is to anonymously place the child somewhere safe where they know a passer-by will quickly find her. A birth family and a baby, all having to live through such a thing. While I sit here and what? Sulk?
It's not that I don't think I get to be frustrated and anxious. When Stewart and I made up our minds to build our family through adoption, it was taking about 6 months from LID. So while we knew adoption can be unpredictable, we had an expectation going in. Had we known it would take this long, we may well have chosen to place our application with a different country. But we didn't know and so here we are with our expectations handed to us and told to wait with very little information. There's no customer service rep to complain to, no manager to speak to. We can not apply our western way of reasoning to this situation. We are at their mercy for lack of a better word. But here's the thing - it's not about us, it's about her.
We have not thought about "switching" countries, as some have asked. We wouldn't even if we could. We are committed, invested. We love our daughter and can't wait to bring her home with us even though we don't know who she is. That may sound bizarre to all the bio-parents in the crowd but it's the complete truth. We have made room for her in our lives. We have dreamed of her face and her giggle. There's no way we're going to turn back now. And so we wait.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Bad news bears
It's official. This month's batch of referrals are in and only cover TWO DAYS - October 25 and 26, 2005. Online predictions were showing October 30 as the "bad case scenario". So I guess this would be the "heinous scenario"? I'm going to go crawl under a rock. Someone come and poke me when this is over...
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Referrals arrive in March
The last batch of referrals have arrived this month and include families logged-in between October 14 and the 24th. Congratulations to all these new families!
Apparently some agencies received referrals for dates further out, as far out as 10/31, but this was not widespread. What THIS means is the cut-off date for a referral batch isn't necessarily in stone anymore. What THAT means is this process is becoming even more mysterious. Up side is, it's more mysterious in a positive way. There are speculations regarding why this happened and whether or not it will continue but I don't think you need to get involved in all that. The bottom line for me is at the end of the day it doesn't really matter why. It is good news and I'm in the mood to bask in the glow of that good news.
Everyone bask with me.
Based on this latest batch, we continue to be on track for getting our referral in June. We were hoping, and still are a tiny tiny tiny bit, to see it in May but... Let's focus on June. June is nice, it's only, let's see, just 3 months away. June is beautiful, really. Say it to yourself. Let it roll around in your mouth. June. June. June. It has a nice feel to it, no?
Big news - we picked a name! We did. We picked a name. I KNOW, exciting!
I talked it over with my bff Allyson and it seems best to keep it a secret for now.
People have so many strong feelings about names, I decided to wait and share it when I post our referral. You'll see "Meet so-and-so!" or whatever here on the blog. You'll say to yourself "There she is! There's so-and-so!" You'll be happy, over-joyed, and think what a beauty. If I tell you now, you might think to yourself "Huh. Well, ok. I guess." You might totally dig the name. Either way, you won't have a cute little face to put with it so I'd rather just hold it until the end. Ginormous thanks to all who made suggestions. They were lovely and carefully considered.
Apparently some agencies received referrals for dates further out, as far out as 10/31, but this was not widespread. What THIS means is the cut-off date for a referral batch isn't necessarily in stone anymore. What THAT means is this process is becoming even more mysterious. Up side is, it's more mysterious in a positive way. There are speculations regarding why this happened and whether or not it will continue but I don't think you need to get involved in all that. The bottom line for me is at the end of the day it doesn't really matter why. It is good news and I'm in the mood to bask in the glow of that good news.
Everyone bask with me.
Based on this latest batch, we continue to be on track for getting our referral in June. We were hoping, and still are a tiny tiny tiny bit, to see it in May but... Let's focus on June. June is nice, it's only, let's see, just 3 months away. June is beautiful, really. Say it to yourself. Let it roll around in your mouth. June. June. June. It has a nice feel to it, no?
Big news - we picked a name! We did. We picked a name. I KNOW, exciting!
I talked it over with my bff Allyson and it seems best to keep it a secret for now.
People have so many strong feelings about names, I decided to wait and share it when I post our referral. You'll see "Meet so-and-so!" or whatever here on the blog. You'll say to yourself "There she is! There's so-and-so!" You'll be happy, over-joyed, and think what a beauty. If I tell you now, you might think to yourself "Huh. Well, ok. I guess." You might totally dig the name. Either way, you won't have a cute little face to put with it so I'd rather just hold it until the end. Ginormous thanks to all who made suggestions. They were lovely and carefully considered.
Friday, February 16, 2007
The Scientist
I guess the CCAA often times sends out a "surprise" small batch of referrals before they all take off for a few weeks to celebrate Chinese New Year. They would've mailed them out by now because Sunday is New Year's. Someone, somewhere in the world, would know they were mailed and the Chinese adoption web community would be abuzz. As I search around the web for rumors to this effect, I can practically hear the crickets chirping so, you know, this year...not so much with the "surprise" referrals. Um... what's up with that? In a word - discouraging. Brings to mind the lyrics of a Coldplay song. Do you know the one I mean?
(For those of you who don't follow pop music, Coldplay's lead singer , Chris Martin, is married to Gwyneth Paltrow. Apple? Moses? Do you know who I mean now? Yeah, they're a bunch of sad-sacks but I'm a sad sack at heart, so I heart them.)
Ok, so anyway - here's the lyric straight from their website:
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
(For those of you who don't follow pop music, Coldplay's lead singer , Chris Martin, is married to Gwyneth Paltrow. Apple? Moses? Do you know who I mean now? Yeah, they're a bunch of sad-sacks but I'm a sad sack at heart, so I heart them.)
Ok, so anyway - here's the lyric straight from their website:
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
Friday, February 02, 2007
Referrals are here, referrals are here!
February's referrals have hit the shores of the U.S. and families are posting their baby pictures all over the web! Always a very happy and exciting time, though bitter sweet for us, as you might suspect. Our good news is that the numbers seem to be in line with what we've been thinking for awhile now in terms of when we might get our referral. A smaller batch might have pushed things back even further, while a larger number may have lessened our wait. As is, we're still on target for May/June to see our baby's face.
*Speaking of, many people ask me if we know that we will be matched with a girl. Good question. Referral batches from the CCAA are generally about 98% girls. Pretty much everyone in this process assumes they're going to be referred a girl because of that, but a few boys show up in each batch, so ya never know... *
Okay, so we're up to Oct 13! Doesn't that seem so close to Nov 21? Hard to believe it will take at least 3-4 more months! There were so many applications turned in during Oct and Nov of 2005, that this time frame is the best we can hope for. It is finally getting close enough, though, that we're starting to feel the pressure of getting ready. On February 17th, we'll attend a child care class at our agency that specifically prepares adoptive parents for caring for an adopted infant/toddler with their specific needs as opposed to a biological child with you from birth. I am excited to have someone tell me what to do! We're thinking of insisting that Missy (my sister) Barb, and Mary (Stew's sisters) carry their cell phones with them at ALL times from the moment the three of us land in the U.S.!!!
*Kitchen remodel is finally complete with just 1 or 2 final details left. We're so happy with the way it looks and feels - totally worth the hassle. I'll post some Before's and After's as soon as those final details are wrapped up.*
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Latest batch of referrals - January
The most recent referrals are starting to show up today (1/3/07)! This batch covers log-in dates from September 9, 2005, through September 27, 2005, for sure, with the possibility of the 28th being included as well. Still waiting for confirmation on the 28th. We were hoping the 29th would be included because there were a lot of families logged-in that day and if they were included, it would have been quite a nice sized batch. The way it stands, with the 27-28th as the cut-off, the batch is fairly small. Everyone is predicting that it may take months, at least three, to get through October '05 log-ins because so many people sent in their dossiers that month. November is reported to be even larger, but I still think we're looking at maybe May to see our referral. I was just talking about it with Stewart and realized that if we get our referral in May, we'll most likely travel to China in July. Just for the heck of it, I checked out weather.com for the average July temp for Guangzhou (where the U.C. Consulate is located) and it said 90 degrees. Yeeow! I mentioned this to Stew and his reply was, "That is the least of our worries, honey."
Word.
Even though July seems so far away right now, today, the third of January, 2007 - I know those weeks between referral and travel will fly by in a haze of packing and trips to Target. The important timing for us to focus on is what needs to happen between now and let's say...May. Well, I might need to read a book or two about how to take care of a baby, for instance. I'm just thinking out loud here, stay with me. We might need to get a crib and a car seat and a highchair and all that good stuff. We may need some toys, outfits, and diapers. Sure, we'll have to wait on some of that until we know how old she is and how big she is but some things we will need for sure, right? We need to paint her room, find a place for all the furniture that's currently in her room, buy a stroller...oh, goodness. I feel stressed all of a sudden. How did that happen?!?!
Congratulations to all the September families included this month! WOo HOo!
Word.
Even though July seems so far away right now, today, the third of January, 2007 - I know those weeks between referral and travel will fly by in a haze of packing and trips to Target. The important timing for us to focus on is what needs to happen between now and let's say...May. Well, I might need to read a book or two about how to take care of a baby, for instance. I'm just thinking out loud here, stay with me. We might need to get a crib and a car seat and a highchair and all that good stuff. We may need some toys, outfits, and diapers. Sure, we'll have to wait on some of that until we know how old she is and how big she is but some things we will need for sure, right? We need to paint her room, find a place for all the furniture that's currently in her room, buy a stroller...oh, goodness. I feel stressed all of a sudden. How did that happen?!?!
Congratulations to all the September families included this month! WOo HOo!
Friday, December 15, 2006
2006 compared to 2005
The U.S. State Department just released their 2006 numbers regarding International Adoption. Below, you'll find the Top 5 Countries of Origin:
IMMIGRANT VISAS ISSUED TO ORPHANS COMING TO THE U.S.
FY2006 compared to FY2005
1) 6,493 CHINA (Mainland) versus 7,906 - CHINA (Mainland)
2) 4,135 - GUATEMALA versus 4,639 - RUSSIA
3) 3,706 - RUSSIA versus 3,783 - GUATEMALA
4) 1,376 - S. KOREA versus 1,630 - S. KOREA
5) 732 - ETHIOPIA versus 821 - UKRAINE
IMMIGRANT VISAS ISSUED TO ORPHANS COMING TO THE U.S.
FY2006 compared to FY2005
1) 6,493 CHINA (Mainland) versus 7,906 - CHINA (Mainland)
2) 4,135 - GUATEMALA versus 4,639 - RUSSIA
3) 3,706 - RUSSIA versus 3,783 - GUATEMALA
4) 1,376 - S. KOREA versus 1,630 - S. KOREA
5) 732 - ETHIOPIA versus 821 - UKRAINE
World Total for Fiscal Year 2006 - 20,679
What's been going on?
The most recent batch of referrals showed up late last month and covered families logged-in between August 26 and September 8, 2005. This batch represented approximately the same-ish total number of families as we've seen matched in each bunch received over the past year, so the rumored increase did not happen.
You may recall the batch before (Oct) SEEMED larger but when all information came to light, it appeared to be inline with what they had been matching. The reason why there was some confusion about it was that the number of families logged-in for the days covered in the Oct batch WOULD have represented an increase but a fair number of families ended up not actually getting a referral, though their day was included.
There's been some talk about why and how this could happen, etc, but it remains mostly unclear. Allegedly, families that had follow-up questions asked of them while their paperwork was in the Review stage, did not receive referrals with their group and have been delayed. Subtract those families from the total for the Oct batch of referrals and we get around the same number as we've seen. So a further indication that an increase/a speed up is NOT happening.
Every month we hear rumors that "this is going to be the month when things pick up" and it's yet to be the case. I'm convinced what we've been seeing is the "new normal" and we should not continue on the emotional roller-coaster of hoping things are going to change. Apparently, October and November of 2005 were absolute monster months, in terms of the number of families having sent their paperwork to China. The "new normal" time frame has us waiting at least 6-7 more months, conceivably. By the by, our agency has maintained that they expect the wait to continue to lengthen and have never indicated that things are going to speed-up. The rumors we hear and see are online among the thousands of families worldwide, who are waiting for China. While it's always smart of take what you read on the internet with a grain of salt, when it's good news and news that you want to hear, it can be almost irresistible!
The very latest indications are that the next batch of referrals may show up before Christmas and if not, then shortly after. What a wonderful moment it will be for those families to receive the precious gift of a photograph of their long-awaited child! We wish all of them the very best and continue to look forward to the day when it is our turn!
You may recall the batch before (Oct) SEEMED larger but when all information came to light, it appeared to be inline with what they had been matching. The reason why there was some confusion about it was that the number of families logged-in for the days covered in the Oct batch WOULD have represented an increase but a fair number of families ended up not actually getting a referral, though their day was included.
There's been some talk about why and how this could happen, etc, but it remains mostly unclear. Allegedly, families that had follow-up questions asked of them while their paperwork was in the Review stage, did not receive referrals with their group and have been delayed. Subtract those families from the total for the Oct batch of referrals and we get around the same number as we've seen. So a further indication that an increase/a speed up is NOT happening.
Every month we hear rumors that "this is going to be the month when things pick up" and it's yet to be the case. I'm convinced what we've been seeing is the "new normal" and we should not continue on the emotional roller-coaster of hoping things are going to change. Apparently, October and November of 2005 were absolute monster months, in terms of the number of families having sent their paperwork to China. The "new normal" time frame has us waiting at least 6-7 more months, conceivably. By the by, our agency has maintained that they expect the wait to continue to lengthen and have never indicated that things are going to speed-up. The rumors we hear and see are online among the thousands of families worldwide, who are waiting for China. While it's always smart of take what you read on the internet with a grain of salt, when it's good news and news that you want to hear, it can be almost irresistible!
The very latest indications are that the next batch of referrals may show up before Christmas and if not, then shortly after. What a wonderful moment it will be for those families to receive the precious gift of a photograph of their long-awaited child! We wish all of them the very best and continue to look forward to the day when it is our turn!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
"The cat that came with the sublet "-- A. Adley
I'm sad to report that though we did everything we could for our beloved kitty, Czar, we lost her on November 15th.In 1993, I sublet an apartment in Minneapolis from a friend of a friend, Melanie. Little did I know, she would end up giving me the gift of a lifetime. Melanie couldn't take Czar on her trip to the UK, so she asked if I would look after her. Around day 5, I decided I was never giving Czar back. She was that special, that sweet. Turned out Melanie decided to live abroad so she and I were able to avoid a nasty custody battle. The two of us were together since. That's not to say we were inseparable. When she met Stewart in 1995, she threw me over for him so fast it made my head spin. We both had a new boyfriend, the same new boyfriend. And so it went. Stew and I loved her dearly, and she returned that love every day, even the days she peed on our bed, always on my side. I want to go on and on, regale you with cute anecdotes and silly memories of all our years together but it feels too soon and besides that, I'm at work and the boss and there would be tears, so... Just know that I could go on, there are many stories, but mostly it was just three friends hanging out every day, digging each other.
The house feels blank when I come home. I'm told that feeling will pass but I have to say, I'm skeptical.
Czar
1990(ish) - 2006
Friday, November 03, 2006
Incommunicado
Hey friends, sorry I've been incommunicado recently. The term "perfect storm" has frequently come to mind over the past few weeks as work, home and personal issues have all hit the fan at the same time. Work = tying up a 5 months long project while trying to interview candidates / hire for an open position in my department, home = kitchen remodeling project gone awry due to (gasp) asbestos in the old flooring that HAD to be abated (don't ask), and personal = our much loved 16 year old kitty, Czar, has taken quite ill and requires many trips to the vet. All that and more over just the past few weeks.
Good times.
We are busy digging our way out and I'll resume regular blogging soon.
Send those good vibes our way, will ya?! We certainly could use 'em!
P.S. The latest batch of adoption referrals from China has arrived in the U.S. and covers people logged-in from August 10-August 25! This represents a 15% increase over recent volume, according to online analysis. Woo Hoo! No way to tell if this rate of referral will continue to increase, remain the same, or return to previous levels. If we see another jump with the next batch, perhaps we can be hopeful that things are finally speeding up. If this is the case, we're looking at maybe March/April to see our daughter's face! Stay tuned...
Good times.
We are busy digging our way out and I'll resume regular blogging soon.
Send those good vibes our way, will ya?! We certainly could use 'em!
P.S. The latest batch of adoption referrals from China has arrived in the U.S. and covers people logged-in from August 10-August 25! This represents a 15% increase over recent volume, according to online analysis. Woo Hoo! No way to tell if this rate of referral will continue to increase, remain the same, or return to previous levels. If we see another jump with the next batch, perhaps we can be hopeful that things are finally speeding up. If this is the case, we're looking at maybe March/April to see our daughter's face! Stay tuned...
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Babies, babies, babies! Everywhere babies!
I was so excited when Tracy emailed me from China saying that it would be ok if I met her at the airport. She and some other friends were returning with their daughters a few weeks ago, and Stew and I had been faithfully following their trips via their blogs and webpages. I jumped at the chance to meet them - too bad the main road to the airport was closed that day and I missed them coming through customs! Dang.
(A heartfelt sorry shoutout to my bff, Cher, for all the crazy driving and loud cursing I did trying to make it to the airport on time. Sorry, Sugar. :)
My other bff, Lisa S, met us there and took this photo of me with Tracy and her awesome kidlet, Muriel. Behold the cuteness! That face, her thumb, the cheeks, those toes - oh my! I can barely look at this photo straight on. No, not because of my double chin - it's the sheer beauty of this child. There were other beautiful children that day at the airport, to be sure (Lilly, Emmy, Faith - yeah, I'm talking about you)! This particular photo turned out so well I just had to share it.
Lisa had arrived at the airport before Cher and I were able to (see above, road construction) and kept us posted while I juked and jived around S Minneapolis trying to find an alternative route. Etched in my memory: the moment I realized I'd exited at the CHARTER terminal instead of the INTERNATIONAL terminal (ARGH!!! Why can't I ever remember if the international terminal is the Humphrey or the Lindberg Terminal? Why?) just as Lisa called to tell us she'd overheard someone say "HERE THEY COME!!!"
***Always with the drama! It occurs to me now and then, and I can't be the only one on this...but maybe, just maybe, a lot of drama in many arenas of my life could be averted if I'd only leave my house 20 minutes earlier then I think I should. I don't know that for sure but I have my suspicions.***
Anyhoo, it was a real happy/sad to be there. The love and happiness of these new families, with their friends and loved ones, was an amazing thing to be a part of and I thank them for letting me share those precious moments. The children, all girls in this group, were amazing to behold. Really unforgettable. And yet, our house is empty with no end to this wait in sight so my joy was tempered by my sadness for Stew and me. The waiting continues.
HOWEVER -
Two nights ago, bff Lisa called to tell us that her mother AND her mother-in-law (Hey Norma and Sharon, You guys rock!) BOTH had a dream, on the SAME night mind you, that Stew and I were united with our daughter sooner then expected. Perhaps we've got some seriously good mojo working right now, suddenly?! I'm not saying, I'm just saying. So, though I've been hearing nothing but terrible rumors related to the wait for the past week or so, I will hang onto that dream as if I'd had it myself and it was a direct message from on high.
Also, thanks to you guys! You all are so lovely to keep track of us here on our blog and leaving your funny, sweet, loving, supportive comments. It certainly helps to know our loved ones are pulling for us - keep those good vibes coming!
P.S. Stew and I started our Mandarin class this week, so Ni Hao! (Pronounced - "nee how" and means "Hello!")
P.P.S. Cher, I posted a photo! WOO HOO!
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Why I Cried at Rudy Luther's Westside Volkswagen
The nice woman from our agency and I finally connected the other day and had a good chat. I hoped if I kept her on the phone long enough, distracting her with my charm and wit, she might let something slip about our referral.
No such luck. It's sad that I've resorted to trickery, is it not?
Anyhoo, she was able to make me feel better without telling me anything new. Hearing her say things like "Try to keep yourself busy" in a calm and soothing voice felt helpful and comforting. This is a real talent and I hope she gets paid accordingly, she sincerely deserves it.
See, I was all a tither because we hadn't heard anything new in a really long time until one day, the message on our agency's weekly hotline was changed to say that referral batches would now be coming at the beginning of each month instead of at the end, as they had been. This was due to the CCAA having moved to a new building and resulting delay. Well, the very next batch of referrals showed up at the end of the month, NOT at the beginning per the new info. I suspect ya'll are reading that and saying to yourselves, "So?" - and I'm telling you, when the only bit of new information we received in months turned out to be WRONG...well it was, quite frankly, upsetting. In addition, the referral batch only covered a handful of LIDs (see below), July 14 - July 22. At that rate, we'll be getting an invitation to join the AARP in the mail before we see a package from China.
We are November 21, people!
I was so frustrated I had to call our agency right away for some answers 'cuz that usually works so well. As I sat waiting for my Jetta to have her oil changed, I could feel a melt-down coming and I didn't want to be all weepy and gross on the phone. Rumaging through my purse, I scrounged up the change for M & M's (peanut, although plain are underrated).
**Ever wonder if you are stress eating because you think that's what women are supposed to do when they are upset. I never used to stress eat but lately when I don't know how to cope, I hear a voice in my head shouting "We eat when we are stressed, lady! Get with the program!"
Note to self - don't pass on food issues to daughter.**
Anyway, I digress.
So I slump over to the vending machine for my M & M's, barely holding it together in front of the other VW owners (a nice looking bunch, by the way) and...can you see where this is going? I put my money in and the little coil thingy that turns to allow the inviting yellow package to fall into the retrieval bin, only turns 3/4 of the way necessary and my friends are trapped, dangling 1/2 on and 1/2 off the shelf.
This did not help with the being upset.
I march over to the CUSTOMER SERVICE counter and wait for the next available clerk, with...tears in my eyes. I know, you can't believe the drama! You will also not believe it when I tell you what I saw on the clerk's desk. A FAMILY SIZE bag of peanut M & M's. I'm not kidding. This woman was a friend of the M & M's and a friend of mine, I could see that. I was barely able to explain what happened through my tears when she grabbed her bag and pushed it over to me. "You can have some of mine," she said in an incredibly understanding tone. Under usual circumstances, I would have declined, but I was beside myself.
**Pause...How nice was that lady to let a soggy, sobbing, complete stanger stick a paw in her bag o' snacks? Ever hear of Minnesota Nice? Alive and well.**
The best part of this whole encounter is still to come. When I tried my luck at the vending machine with my refunded change, I got TWO bags. Mr. Dangly, from before, and his brother Uncle BOGO (that's Buy One, Get One for the non-shoppers in the group).
DEE-LIGHTED.
Don't think I didn't take that second bag back over to MN Nice M&M VW Lady, 'cuz I did. Don't just pay it forward, I say. Pay it back, too. I handed it to her and said "Two bags dropped. Now you have a bag for later."
She was pleased, I was pleased and those M & M's were some of the best I'd tasted. Real fresh. Bolstered by the chocolate, the resulting caffeine, and the feel-good interaction I had with VW lady, I called my agency and left a message. I was able to make it through the whole thing without crying. Well, until the very end when I started going on about how the uncertainty with this wait is so difficult to deal with and if we could just know if would 4 months or 12 months...
Agency lady called me back, was so nice, made me feel better and more importantly helped me see I needed to make a decision. I could either stay on the path I was on called "Drive yourself so insane that you end up crying at Rudy Luther's Westside Volkswagen" or I could choose a new path. I chose a new path and it's called "Do something productive while you wait for a photo of your beloved child". That path is serving me well so far and Stewart/I begin a basic Mandarin class on October 2nd. Wish us luck, we hear it's very challenging, but we're excited!
No such luck. It's sad that I've resorted to trickery, is it not?
Anyhoo, she was able to make me feel better without telling me anything new. Hearing her say things like "Try to keep yourself busy" in a calm and soothing voice felt helpful and comforting. This is a real talent and I hope she gets paid accordingly, she sincerely deserves it.
See, I was all a tither because we hadn't heard anything new in a really long time until one day, the message on our agency's weekly hotline was changed to say that referral batches would now be coming at the beginning of each month instead of at the end, as they had been. This was due to the CCAA having moved to a new building and resulting delay. Well, the very next batch of referrals showed up at the end of the month, NOT at the beginning per the new info. I suspect ya'll are reading that and saying to yourselves, "So?" - and I'm telling you, when the only bit of new information we received in months turned out to be WRONG...well it was, quite frankly, upsetting. In addition, the referral batch only covered a handful of LIDs (see below), July 14 - July 22. At that rate, we'll be getting an invitation to join the AARP in the mail before we see a package from China.
We are November 21, people!
I was so frustrated I had to call our agency right away for some answers 'cuz that usually works so well. As I sat waiting for my Jetta to have her oil changed, I could feel a melt-down coming and I didn't want to be all weepy and gross on the phone. Rumaging through my purse, I scrounged up the change for M & M's (peanut, although plain are underrated).
**Ever wonder if you are stress eating because you think that's what women are supposed to do when they are upset. I never used to stress eat but lately when I don't know how to cope, I hear a voice in my head shouting "We eat when we are stressed, lady! Get with the program!"
Note to self - don't pass on food issues to daughter.**
Anyway, I digress.
So I slump over to the vending machine for my M & M's, barely holding it together in front of the other VW owners (a nice looking bunch, by the way) and...can you see where this is going? I put my money in and the little coil thingy that turns to allow the inviting yellow package to fall into the retrieval bin, only turns 3/4 of the way necessary and my friends are trapped, dangling 1/2 on and 1/2 off the shelf.
This did not help with the being upset.
I march over to the CUSTOMER SERVICE counter and wait for the next available clerk, with...tears in my eyes. I know, you can't believe the drama! You will also not believe it when I tell you what I saw on the clerk's desk. A FAMILY SIZE bag of peanut M & M's. I'm not kidding. This woman was a friend of the M & M's and a friend of mine, I could see that. I was barely able to explain what happened through my tears when she grabbed her bag and pushed it over to me. "You can have some of mine," she said in an incredibly understanding tone. Under usual circumstances, I would have declined, but I was beside myself.
**Pause...How nice was that lady to let a soggy, sobbing, complete stanger stick a paw in her bag o' snacks? Ever hear of Minnesota Nice? Alive and well.**
The best part of this whole encounter is still to come. When I tried my luck at the vending machine with my refunded change, I got TWO bags. Mr. Dangly, from before, and his brother Uncle BOGO (that's Buy One, Get One for the non-shoppers in the group).
DEE-LIGHTED.
Don't think I didn't take that second bag back over to MN Nice M&M VW Lady, 'cuz I did. Don't just pay it forward, I say. Pay it back, too. I handed it to her and said "Two bags dropped. Now you have a bag for later."
She was pleased, I was pleased and those M & M's were some of the best I'd tasted. Real fresh. Bolstered by the chocolate, the resulting caffeine, and the feel-good interaction I had with VW lady, I called my agency and left a message. I was able to make it through the whole thing without crying. Well, until the very end when I started going on about how the uncertainty with this wait is so difficult to deal with and if we could just know if would 4 months or 12 months...
Agency lady called me back, was so nice, made me feel better and more importantly helped me see I needed to make a decision. I could either stay on the path I was on called "Drive yourself so insane that you end up crying at Rudy Luther's Westside Volkswagen" or I could choose a new path. I chose a new path and it's called "Do something productive while you wait for a photo of your beloved child". That path is serving me well so far and Stewart/I begin a basic Mandarin class on October 2nd. Wish us luck, we hear it's very challenging, but we're excited!
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Our Friends Are in China!
Haven't had any news to post in the past 2 weeks but am waiting for a nice woman on the China Team from our agency to call me today. I'm hoping she can tell me SOMETHING or even just make me feel better - which works, too!
If you haven't visited lately, check out the links to our friends over on the right. Erik, Emily and Sadie are home! Kari and Dave, and Tracy are in China right now uniting with their daughters Lily and Muriel - the photos are awesome.
Beautiful families!
Hope ya'll are well. More soon... :)
If you haven't visited lately, check out the links to our friends over on the right. Erik, Emily and Sadie are home! Kari and Dave, and Tracy are in China right now uniting with their daughters Lily and Muriel - the photos are awesome.
Beautiful families!
Hope ya'll are well. More soon... :)
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
One Small Step, One Giant Leap
Banner day yesterday! I called our agency's China Update Hotline (really, that's what it's called) to listen to the new message for this week. I almost couldn't believe my ears. The kind voice of AH-C, one of our program coordinators, announced that November is THROUGH REVIEW and has moved to the MATCHING DEPARTMENT!
WOO HOO!
To refresh, this means the good folks at the CCAA have looked over our paperwork (background checks, financial report, physical exams, homestudy report, reference letters, photos, etc), have decided all our papers are in order, we pass muster and approve of us to adopt a child. Given that some of you were in a few of the photos we sent them, we can all feel proud that Stew and I moved to the next step inspite of everything! :)
I was at home yesterday when I heard the news and quickly called Stew at work to tell him. Phew - what a relief to move from REVIEW (scary) to MATCHING (much better)! We both felt the rush that comes only from concrete progress. Because celebration means food, we had a nice dinner out to toast our banner day.
YAY YAY!
All that said...the reality of the situation is that even though we're finally in matching, which really does sound like a pix could arrive in the mail any day, folks who claim to be in the know continue to speculate that we may not see anything by way of a referral for up to NINE more months with the absolute worse case scenario being November of 2007. Granted, this is the time of month when all the really bad rumors come out to play but Stew and I have to prepare ourselves for the worst while always hoping for the best. Problem is, it's difficult sometimes to figure out what's the best but realistic thing we can hope for. This particular road has been 20 months long already. Add that to the previous 3 1/2 years of wanting a family and I gotta say - Stew and I look at each other every day and ahhh...along with the rest of you...we're not getting any younger. I said to Missy this weekend, "I can't believe our Chelsea is 16 and graduates in 2 years! Do you realize that I'll be about 56 when my daughter is 16 and pushing 60 when she graduates! Holy #$%@!"
Not the first time I've considered this, not by a long shot. Just that I do a fair job of putting it out of my mind most days. Missy, very reassuringly, big-sisterly, and thankfully, pointed out that most of our friends' kids are 2 years old or younger so we're not going to be the only ones taking our teens to the movies and qualifying for the senior discount. I don't mind getting older, I really don't. I just feel sort of badly for her, our daughter. Us adopting in our 40's was not what we hoped, not what we wanted for her, not what we planned but it's what happened so... All we can do is hope that she'll keep us young, that she won't notice the gray hairs poking through my dye job when she meets us for the first time, that maybe we'll be better parents then we would have been 15 or even 10 years ago.
WOO HOO!
To refresh, this means the good folks at the CCAA have looked over our paperwork (background checks, financial report, physical exams, homestudy report, reference letters, photos, etc), have decided all our papers are in order, we pass muster and approve of us to adopt a child. Given that some of you were in a few of the photos we sent them, we can all feel proud that Stew and I moved to the next step inspite of everything! :)
I was at home yesterday when I heard the news and quickly called Stew at work to tell him. Phew - what a relief to move from REVIEW (scary) to MATCHING (much better)! We both felt the rush that comes only from concrete progress. Because celebration means food, we had a nice dinner out to toast our banner day.
YAY YAY!
All that said...the reality of the situation is that even though we're finally in matching, which really does sound like a pix could arrive in the mail any day, folks who claim to be in the know continue to speculate that we may not see anything by way of a referral for up to NINE more months with the absolute worse case scenario being November of 2007. Granted, this is the time of month when all the really bad rumors come out to play but Stew and I have to prepare ourselves for the worst while always hoping for the best. Problem is, it's difficult sometimes to figure out what's the best but realistic thing we can hope for. This particular road has been 20 months long already. Add that to the previous 3 1/2 years of wanting a family and I gotta say - Stew and I look at each other every day and ahhh...along with the rest of you...we're not getting any younger. I said to Missy this weekend, "I can't believe our Chelsea is 16 and graduates in 2 years! Do you realize that I'll be about 56 when my daughter is 16 and pushing 60 when she graduates! Holy #$%@!"
Not the first time I've considered this, not by a long shot. Just that I do a fair job of putting it out of my mind most days. Missy, very reassuringly, big-sisterly, and thankfully, pointed out that most of our friends' kids are 2 years old or younger so we're not going to be the only ones taking our teens to the movies and qualifying for the senior discount. I don't mind getting older, I really don't. I just feel sort of badly for her, our daughter. Us adopting in our 40's was not what we hoped, not what we wanted for her, not what we planned but it's what happened so... All we can do is hope that she'll keep us young, that she won't notice the gray hairs poking through my dye job when she meets us for the first time, that maybe we'll be better parents then we would have been 15 or even 10 years ago.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Recent Happenings
I had a request for some photos to jazz things up around here and Cher, I swear, I'm working on it! I'm not so swift at doing that kind of thing yet so it will have to be a joint Stewart/Heather effort. Busy, busy the past few weeks. Our nephew, Jacob, enlisted in the Air Force and left for Basic on August 1 so we were in Iowa for his going away party. Had a great time but we were sad to see him off. Last weekend, Stew's sister, Mary, and her family visited - Valley Fair (amusement park), the circus (animal rts folks, please know there were no animals present), extraordinarily hot weather and a trip to Convention Grill for burgers and malts - for a fun weekend. Today, Stew's other sister, Barb, her husband, daughter and their dad came up for a Twins game and an overnight. Next weekend, my sister and niece, Melissa and Chelsea, visit. Melissa and I finally feel ready to sort through and divide things from 516 Larchwood Dr. The boxes have been sitting in our basement for a few years and now is the time - making way for kidstuff storage. Phew! We have to cram in the fun while we can still step outside without having to brace ourselves against the cold. Why do we live here again...?
On the adoption front:
Still no update on whether or not we're through review and into matching yet.
However, referrals have arrived for people whose paperwork was (were?) logged-in in China June 29 through July 13, 2005, bringing them two whole weeks closer to our paperwork.
Check out some of the beautiful children: http://junejitterbugs2005.homestead.com/
(Babies are dressed VERY warmly in China. Can you tell that a lot of the babies in these photos are wearing 8-9 layers of clothes? They're not really as plump as they appear.)
For a long time, we'd been hearing that the CCAA was going to be moving to a new building and that process might be a piece of the slow-down in referrals puzzle. At the end of June, the CCAA finally moved to it's new location and so we can't help but hope things will speed up once they're settled in. Perhaps we'll know a little more when we see how many log-in days are covered in the next batch of referrals we expect to see near the end of August. (Referrals are generally sent out 1 x per month about 3-4 weeks apart.) The current online speculation is that we can expect to see the first picture of our daughter anywhere between November of this year and May of 2007. (That window is so large, let's call it what it is - a barn door!)
Family and Friends, we need your help! Keep fingers, toes and eyes tightly crossed for November-January of this year!
On the adoption front:
Still no update on whether or not we're through review and into matching yet.
However, referrals have arrived for people whose paperwork was (were?) logged-in in China June 29 through July 13, 2005, bringing them two whole weeks closer to our paperwork.
Check out some of the beautiful children: http://junejitterbugs2005.homestead.com/
(Babies are dressed VERY warmly in China. Can you tell that a lot of the babies in these photos are wearing 8-9 layers of clothes? They're not really as plump as they appear.)
For a long time, we'd been hearing that the CCAA was going to be moving to a new building and that process might be a piece of the slow-down in referrals puzzle. At the end of June, the CCAA finally moved to it's new location and so we can't help but hope things will speed up once they're settled in. Perhaps we'll know a little more when we see how many log-in days are covered in the next batch of referrals we expect to see near the end of August. (Referrals are generally sent out 1 x per month about 3-4 weeks apart.) The current online speculation is that we can expect to see the first picture of our daughter anywhere between November of this year and May of 2007. (That window is so large, let's call it what it is - a barn door!)
Family and Friends, we need your help! Keep fingers, toes and eyes tightly crossed for November-January of this year!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Break Out The Kleenex
I came across this very sweet "Receiving Day" video today while poking around online. I know I'm supposed to be working but a girl's entitled to a break.
Seriously...do not watch this unless you've got tissues handy.
http://clik.to/konyn - click on "Miyah's Movie" on the left.
(Those who don't dig Christian Rock - turn your sound down.)
We are SO excited this will be us some day soon!
Seriously...do not watch this unless you've got tissues handy.
http://clik.to/konyn - click on "Miyah's Movie" on the left.
(Those who don't dig Christian Rock - turn your sound down.)
We are SO excited this will be us some day soon!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
How The Matching Process Works
Thought it might be of interest to post a little primer on how the matching process works in China. I picked up this info from another blogger (RQ) who is well-known among a lot of adoptive parents waiting for China. Keep in mind this is a bit of a guesstimation (FYI: "guesstimate" is in the dictionary) as they don't say EXACTLY how it's done...
First, the China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) reviews the baby dossiers they've received from the orphanges at the end of each month and makes sure there are no issues with them. Parent dossiers were reviewed months before. Baby dossiers are reviewed when they arrive and then immediately matched.
So now they have a stack of baby dossiers. They look to see how far this stack will go without sending a partial day of log-in dates (LIDs) and they pull all of those files. Sometimes something happens and they aren't able to match all those LIDs. Sometimes something happens and they match more.
Next they match orphanages up with agencies so that parents from the same agency can travel together. (For example, this orphanage has six babies, this agency has six families. These two orphanages are in the same province and have a total of 12 babies, this agency has 12 families.)Then they start matching individual babies to individual families.
At some point during this part of the process, most agencies hear from their contact person in the CCAA matching room letting them know how many referrals they will be receiving and from what province(s). Some agencies share this information with their clients. Some choose not to. I'm pretty sure our agency shares this information with their clients, though in general, they are pretty tight-lipped. I would imagine they don't want to risk being wrong and causing undo heartache for parents who are already anxious and stressed.
First, the China Center for Adoption Affairs (CCAA) reviews the baby dossiers they've received from the orphanges at the end of each month and makes sure there are no issues with them. Parent dossiers were reviewed months before. Baby dossiers are reviewed when they arrive and then immediately matched.
So now they have a stack of baby dossiers. They look to see how far this stack will go without sending a partial day of log-in dates (LIDs) and they pull all of those files. Sometimes something happens and they aren't able to match all those LIDs. Sometimes something happens and they match more.
Next they match orphanages up with agencies so that parents from the same agency can travel together. (For example, this orphanage has six babies, this agency has six families. These two orphanages are in the same province and have a total of 12 babies, this agency has 12 families.)Then they start matching individual babies to individual families.
At some point during this part of the process, most agencies hear from their contact person in the CCAA matching room letting them know how many referrals they will be receiving and from what province(s). Some agencies share this information with their clients. Some choose not to. I'm pretty sure our agency shares this information with their clients, though in general, they are pretty tight-lipped. I would imagine they don't want to risk being wrong and causing undo heartache for parents who are already anxious and stressed.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Please ignore that loud banging noise you hear, it's just me knocking my head against the wall...
Now you've all been introduced to the ups and downs of this process - the rollercoaster...the journey, as we like to call it. Seems the rumors we were hearing oh so long ago - 6 days - have proven to be not exactly false but not exactly true, either. Won't tire you with the details but just know that these encouraging/good rumors are usually followed by equally discouraging/bad rumors a few days later and the cycle repeats every month or so.
Bottom line: we thoroughly enjoyed the few days we thought we might see our referral in four months time! We're back to square one now, so pretend that last post from 7/12 never happened, ok?
Bottom line: we thoroughly enjoyed the few days we thought we might see our referral in four months time! We're back to square one now, so pretend that last post from 7/12 never happened, ok?
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Matching Rumor
Today's awesome online RUMOR:
Allegedly...some officials from China are visiting Australia this week. One of the officials told a couple of adoptive families with late November LIDs (like us) that they would only have to wait for their match (match = baby photos/info) for FOUR more months!!!!
For months now, we'd been hearing nothing but increasing wait times possibly extending to 18-24 months, etc. Even though we knew we needed to guard our hearts and prepare for a much longer wait then expected, I couldn't help but hold hope that we wouldn't have to wait more than 14 months - meaning an end of January referral and March to bring her home. I had nothing to base that on, just a gut feeling. So this news is so good - better then hoped for - we can hardly believe it, but we really really really really want to! :) Even if it eventually turns out not to be true in the end, it feels wonderful to say that today is a GREAT day!
...I may just have to go buy something pink on my lunch hour...
Allegedly...some officials from China are visiting Australia this week. One of the officials told a couple of adoptive families with late November LIDs (like us) that they would only have to wait for their match (match = baby photos/info) for FOUR more months!!!!
For months now, we'd been hearing nothing but increasing wait times possibly extending to 18-24 months, etc. Even though we knew we needed to guard our hearts and prepare for a much longer wait then expected, I couldn't help but hold hope that we wouldn't have to wait more than 14 months - meaning an end of January referral and March to bring her home. I had nothing to base that on, just a gut feeling. So this news is so good - better then hoped for - we can hardly believe it, but we really really really really want to! :) Even if it eventually turns out not to be true in the end, it feels wonderful to say that today is a GREAT day!
...I may just have to go buy something pink on my lunch hour...
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