Moving Forward

Maybe (maybe) I've pouted enough. That's not to say I'm not deeply disappointed in what's happened with the recent referrals and what's likely to be very slow going in the months ahead but I might be almost done wallowing in the disappointment (for now). There's nothing to be done about it. Nothing we can do, nothing anyone can do so what's the point in sulking. My silent protest falls on deaf ears. They can do what ever they want and are well within their rights to do that. It's their process, not mine. It is regulated by the government, conforms to the Hague Convention and is, by and large, above board. (I only say "by and large" because as we all know, in any system there are bound to be bumps now and then.)

Major international adoption programs around the world are struggling to get this thing right. Russia just closed to the U.S. a few days ago, until further notice. The U.S. State Department is currently not recommending adoption from Guatemala. Vietnam is not accepting applications right now. China has tripled it's waiting time for families in the past year and that wait is expected to continue to lengthen. In addition to this, families just placing their applications will have to meet additional requirements relating to weight/BMI, income, antidepressant usage, length of marriage, background issues, and so on. Many countries' programs are temporarily closed as they rework their process to adhere to Hague Convention requirements. There is a bright spot, however. Ethiopia became the largest program for our agency in 2006. Read the article from Sunday's paper here.

The issue I keep coming back to: this is not a consumer transaction. While it is supply and demand, we're talking about children and families here, not widgets. While I sit here and pound my fists in frustration, there is a family in China making one of, if not the most difficult decision of their lives. The decision, which is often times not really a decision so much as a mandate, (see Lost Daughters of China) that they can not parent this child. They love this baby but there's just no way, either economically or politically, that they can raise this child. The only way to avoid penalty is to anonymously place the child somewhere safe where they know a passer-by will quickly find her. A birth family and a baby, all having to live through such a thing. While I sit here and what? Sulk?

It's not that I don't think I get to be frustrated and anxious. When Stewart and I made up our minds to build our family through adoption, it was taking about 6 months from LID. So while we knew adoption can be unpredictable, we had an expectation going in. Had we known it would take this long, we may well have chosen to place our application with a different country. But we didn't know and so here we are with our expectations handed to us and told to wait with very little information. There's no customer service rep to complain to, no manager to speak to. We can not apply our western way of reasoning to this situation. We are at their mercy for lack of a better word. But here's the thing - it's not about us, it's about her.

We have not thought about "switching" countries, as some have asked. We wouldn't even if we could. We are committed, invested. We love our daughter and can't wait to bring her home with us even though we don't know who she is. That may sound bizarre to all the bio-parents in the crowd but it's the complete truth. We have made room for her in our lives. We have dreamed of her face and her giggle. There's no way we're going to turn back now. And so we wait.